It All Begins With Love

The beautiful season of Fall nears an end. It’s Mid-May. My birthday. I start to reminisce the relationship that began to end on this day, 3 years ago. Day dreaming of my high school sweetheart, almost everyone had one. The one that you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with (if you managed to, then lucky you!), the one that you made all those ‘forever’ promises with, the first meaningful “I love you”. That tangled web of emotions that got your adrenaline pumping. I, somehow, punched far above my weight and fell in love with a blonde, blue-eyed beauty queen. She was sweet, shy and in the words of our school headmaster “you wouldn’t think butter would melt in her mouth” or something along those lines.

True love. It’s said to only happen once in our lives. It’s unforced. Mutual. Yet saying all this, true love is indescribable. You cannot compare it to anything. When I look back at it I think of thousands different experiences and emotions, yet none of which I can put into words. Hannah Brencher put it perfectly by saying ”…if love were a noun, not even a person or a place, but rather a thing. A tangible object. What would love be?”

Of course our minds play tricks on us and only remember the highlights and when you’re that young you have the opportunity to make many great memories happen. But my memory also recalls exactly how this love began to collapse. Lies, deceit and mind games would end up defining my life as it is now. The “I hate you but I love you” type of love that Eminem raps about constantly when referring to his high school sweetheart, Kim. Actually, his song ‘Love You More’ summed up what our relationship turned into perfectly.

I have had many long-term relationships but none like this; you can decipher the difference between different types of love or lust, especially in hindsight. Now my longest relationship has been with pain pills, or any substance that helps me evade reality for that fact. The thing with drugs is they always give you the love you need and desire. They never let you down.

It all ends with love.